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Don’t believe everything you tell yourself

I have spent years telling myself and other people that I’m no good in social situations, avoiding them like the plague. I’d get invited places and never go, so eventually people stopped inviting me. They got bored of me rejecting every attempt they made, bored of listening to the bullshit excuses I came out with.

The thing is, it was all a lie! A lie I’d told myself and other people to avoid spending time with groups of people I didn’t actually like. A lie I’d told because I had something far better to do that day but didn’t want to offend by saying that. A lie I’d told so many times to protect myself.

And the sad thing is, I told that lie so many times over the years, I actually believed it to be the truth. Imagine that, lying to yourself so much that you actually believe it to be true! I even turned down genuine opportunities because I had allowed myself to actually believe the lies I’d been telling myself for such a long time.

Do you want to know the saddest part? It took me til the age of 37 to actually realise it!

Don’t get me wrong, there is some truth in. I didn’t like being in a crowd of people and I’ve never liked walking into a room full of people. Even when I went for a family meal I wouldn’t walk in first.

Then, a few weeks ago, I got put in a position that forced me out of my comfort zone completely. I got thrown into going to a family BBQ. That on its own is okay, I love a good BBQ when it’s just a small group of people but this was way out there. We arrived to discover a garden FULL of people, people I had never met before. I was absolutely horrified, it was like I was living an actual nightmare – my heart was pounding and my hands were sweating.

I slowly walked into the garden, hiding behind my husband. Suddenly something inside me snapped and out of the blue, my whole mindset changed. I can’t actually explain what happened, there were no affirmations or self talk – I just did it.

I walked straight through the crowd of people without a care in the world. I didn’t care what they thought of me, I didn’t care whether they liked me or not. Their thoughts were of no interest to me, it was none of my business.

It’s quite a strange feeling really but absolutely amazing!

It just goes to show what can happen when you make that decision to work on becoming the best version of you and actively take steps to work towards your goals and your future.

How have you been lying to yourself?

1 Comment

  1. Interesting post! I’d have to say, I’ve been an introvert all my life. Always luxuriating in my alone time, but I definitely feel your anxiety for events with large amounts of people. I avoided office Christmas parties for many years. I had a major boost of self-esteem one year with a large weight loss. I went to the Christmas party and it went amazingly well, although I was rather glad to leave toward the end. It will be interesting to hear of your future experiences. Good luck!

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